Writer & Photographer

Patent application: Build a Snow Man

Instructions: 

1. Gather up some charcoal, buttons, a carrot, branches, an old hat and a corncob pipe. 

2. Drive North until you find snow. 

3. Wear warm woolen mittens. 

4. Make a snowball and roll it in snow until it’s about 3’ round. 

5. Make another snowball. Roll it in the snow until it’s about 2’ round. 

6. Stack it on the 3’ ball. 

7. Make a third snowball. Roll snowball in snow until it’s 1’ round. 

8. Stack it on the 2’ ball. 

9. Decorate as shown. 

10. Stand back and admire your handiwork. 

11. Start a snowball fight. 


Patent application: Roast a Turkey

Instructions: 

1. Buy the plumpest turkey you can find. 

2. Turn on your oven to 450f then pour yourself a large glass of wine. Sip. 

3. Stuff the turkey with apples, bay leaf, parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme. 

4. Rub lemon juice and butter over the turkey skin. Season with salt and pepper. Sip more wine. Refill glass. 

5. Place turkey in large roasting pan and place in oven. Turn oven down to 350f. 

6. Roast the turkey (20 mins per pound), basting with drippings. Sip more wine. 

7. Take turkey out of oven when cooked. Rest (the turkey) and sip rest of wine. 

8. Place turkey on platter, garnish with cranberries, carve and serve. 


Patent Application: Spin a Dreidel

Instructions: 

Game pieces you will need: a Dreidel, Hanukkah Gelt (chocolate wrapped coins)

2. First, divide the Gelt evenly between all the players. 

3. Everyone antes a coin into the “pot” on the table. 

4. Next, the youngest player is chosen to spin the Dreidel! 

5. The 4 Hebrew letters on the Dreidel are Nun, Gimel, Hay and Shin, meaning, “a great miracle happened there”

6. “Nun” pays the player nothing. “Gimel” takes the entire pot. “Hay” takes half the pot. “Shin” antes another coin. 

7. Everyone antes again and the next player spins the Dreidel. 

8. Play continues until someone wins the entire pot of Gelt!


Patent Application: Take a Holiday Trip 

Instructions: 

Choose an exotic, dream destination. Consult your spouse. Compromise. 

2. Ensure passport is current. Buy the tickets. Pack way more than you need. 

3. Water the plants. Board the pets. Lock the doors. Leave much too early. 

4. Fight your way through the traffic jam to the airport. Arrive 4 hours early. 

5. Fight your way through security, losing all dignity. Wait for hours. Board flight. 

6. Wrestle with seat back and tray table. Jog in aisles to avoid thrombosis. 

7. Arrive at destination to discover your luggage is lost. Buy clothes at gift shop. 

8. Taxi to luxurious hotel. Find pool. Relax in deck chair. Order drinks, unwind, smile! 


Patent Application: Make Hot Chocolate

Instructions: (serves 4 - 6)

Pour six cups of fresh milk into a saucepan and bring to a simmer.

2. Using a wooden spoon, stir ⅔ cups of grated semisweet chocolate into the simmering milk, allowing it to melt and blend. 

3. Add two tablespoons sugar and one teaspoon ground cinnamon. 

4. When the ingredients are suitably blended together, pour the hot chocolate into four large mugs. 

5. Decorate with mini marshmallows, a dollop of whipped cream and a candy cane for stirring. 

6. Relax and enjoy with family and friends, while sharing fresh baked holiday cookies, sitting in front of a roaring fire. 

7. Remember to wipe off chocolate mustache before leaving house. 


Patent Application: Wrap a Present

Instructions: 

1. Attempt to make a thoughtful homemade gift. Give up. Buy gift instead. Remove gift tag! 

2. Drink egg nog while wrapping. 

3. Place gift inside a tissue lined gift box. Fold tissue over gift. 

4. Cut gaudy wrapping paper to fit. Position present in the center of the face down paper. 

5. Fold paper ends up. Tape. Fold sides in. Tape. Fold bottoms up. Tape. Fold tops down. Tape. Remove tape from your elbow.

6. Wrap gift with festive ribbon and add a humongous bow. 

7. Scrawl a witty holiday message on a glitzy gift tag. Attach. 

8. Present present to giftee. 

9. Sheepishly accept profuse thanks. 

10. Provide gift receipt just in case. 


Patent Application: Make a Snow Angel

Instructions: 

Drive North until you find a thick layer of unblemished, new fallen snow. 

2. Dress your little angel in warm woolen mittens, snow suit with hood or ski cap, scarf and winter boots. 

3. Convince your angel maker to lie down face up in a clean area of snow. 

4. Have your angel maker pretend to do jumping jacks while lying in the snow. 

5. Have your angel maker carefully stand up and step away. Brush off excess snow. 

6. Admire snow angel. Applaud madly. Hug. Repeat steps 3-6 as desired. 


Patent Application: Hope for a Kiss

Instructions: 

Tie a string to an arrow and shoot it through mistletoe high up in the tree branches. 

2. Pull string to bring mistletoe down. 

3. Prune off a small branch. 

4. Tie a festive ribbon around the top of the stem. 

5. Hang high overhead using string or a thumbtack. 

6. Find an excuse to invite intended kissee to visit. 

7. Sneak a breath mint. 

8. Exclaim, “Look! Isn’t that mistletoe hanging above us?!”

9. Pucker up and wait to be kissed!


Patent Application: Build a Roaring Fire

Instructions: 

Dress like a lumberjack. Chop down a hardwood tree. Cut into logs. 

2. Ensure the flue is open or you will fill the house with smoke. 

3. Layer small twig kindling about two inches thick on floor of clean hearth. 

4. Place 3 pine cones over the kindling. 

5. Place andirons or grate over kindling and pine cones. 

6. Lay row of 2 or 3 small logs on grate. Criss cross with 2 large logs. 

7. Light the pine cones with a long taper. Shout, “Me make fire!” like a caveman. 

8. Wearily tend fire by turning logs with poker. Add more logs as needed. 

9. Collapse into comfy chair. Get toasty. 


Patent Application: Host the Bubbly! 

Instructions: 

Host a New Year’s Eve Party! 

2. Purchase enough bottles of good champagne to serve all your guests. 

3. Build a roaring fire. (See above) Hang mistletoe. (See above) Hang balloons. Serve hors h’oeuvres. Pass out silly hats. Mingle. 

4. Chill champagne in ice buckets. 

5. Remove top foil. Untwist wire caps. Pop corks! 

6. Pour into crystal flutes. Pass round to guests. 

7. Count down to midnight. Scream, “Happy New Year!”

8. Kiss everyone in sight. Repeat. Offer an eloquent toast. 

9. Sip enough bubbly to loosen the vocal chords for “Auld Lange Syne”

10. Make a New Year’s resolution you probably won’t keep! Enjoy the New Year!


From all of us at Allen, Dyer, Doppelt, Milbrath & Gilchrist, we wish you the Happiest of Holiday Plans! 

Holiday Plans Card

Each year, ADDMG sends out over 5,000 holiday cards. The cards are a valuable marketing tool, and have become a talking point for the firm.
This holiday card consisted of 5 panels, 1 panel each for the letters in ADDMG. Being a two sided card, 10 Holiday Plan Projects needed to be created,
with listed instructions and “patent” and “trademark” illustrations accompanying the text.
The firm got widespread positive feedback with multiple clients noting they kept the card for future holiday display.